So, I took the plunge into online dating, what's the worst that can happen? I'm sure most of the online sites are the same so I won't point any fingers...but there may have been some 'fishing' involved.
1st nibble: Message from a guy who is looking for a fun, fit, classy lady. Has he actually read my profile? I tried to discourage him politely, I'm new at this. I responded: "Thanks for your interest but, having read your profile, I'm not sure we are on the same page, good luck in your search”.
Seriously. I shit you not. Nuttier than a fruit cake stuffed full of squirrel poo.
He asked me what the chances were of seeing me again...uuummm. I bolted (I'm not proud of that...well, maybe a little). I rushed home and sent him a quick note explaining that while I found him interesting (okay, that's a stretch), he's a man clearly on a mission which I would never share with him. The faster he gets back to the mother ship, the better.
Of course, those are just the ones I’ve met. There have been a few other characters along the way who didn’t make it past an IM or two. There has been a recurring theme of height – most of the exchanges have been with tall men (insert your own vertically challenged joke here since 5’3” qualifies as taller than me, but seriously, 6’+). I was going to post a picture of myself beside an amusement park sign that read “you must be this tall for this ride”. One character emailed me a few times, we IM’d a couple of times, 6’4” tradesman. He asks for my cell#, I’m thinking that’s reasonably safe. 2 min later, he sends a picture to my cell while we are msn’ing with webcam. Imagine my surprise …. a very erect penis. How naïve am I? Never saw it coming. Wait, just reread that. Technically, he did ask if I'd like to watch him self amuse to the inevitable climax. Geez thanks...I appreciate the offer but count me out. Hey, wait a minute, that's what you've been working on while we were IM'ng...explains the slow response...one handed typing slows a man down. Impressive, I’ll give him that but there had been no conversation around nude pics. He asked for a pussy pic in return. The next day he got one - a spread eagle pussy shot. Apparently, that was not was he was looking for … who knew? The cat had posed perfectly - laid back, legs spread. He was fishing for a shaved pussy shot but I’m reasonably sure that Tigger was not up for that without some serious blood shed (mine). I will give him credit for a massive penis, in fact it was a little terrifying – settled the age old question about proportionality. Opted not to meet him. Next.
If your profile picture includes something you've killed, we don't like that either. Look at me, speaking for the entire female gender - I've taken an informal poll and we concur, no carcasses. You think I'm kidding...
I know it can be challenging to take a decent "selfie", I get it. If you can't manage with a camera, web cam or phone - you must have one friend who can assist. I know this because a friend's profile pics were crap and I helped him (the new girlfriend is a bit of a bitch but I'm not responsible for that, I just polished up the bait...catch and release my friend, catch and release). And if, by some chance you manage a suitable picture, would it be asking too much for you to rotate it...